Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Things that I have left unsaid for far too long

There are people in my life that I have wanted to say things to for a very long but just have not had the courage to come out and tell them.  No, they're not bad things, I think we all are far too willing to speak out when we feel wronged or mad about something.  And all too often we forget to say something, or just take for granted, when someone does something nice for us.

For Karl,

I met Karl almost 21 years ago on the first day of our Police Academy.  The classroom layout had 2 students to each table.  Since both of our names started with "A" we just happened to be at the same table and for the duration of the academy Karl became my partner whenever we needed to break-up into smaller groups or teams of 2.  I had always considered myself lucky or fortunate that things worked out that way, as I look back now I know that it was much more than that.  It was not "luck" that brought Karl into my life, it was not "luck" that caused us to get along so well.  Karl was a Divine Appointment and would change my life for the better (on more than one occasion) by just being himself.  Karl is one of those rare people who was a "natural" at police work, and I don't mean the classroom stuff I mean the real world application stuff he just seemed to "get it".  I just don't know any other way to put it. 

Driving
    
I did well in the Academy right up until driving.  The driving portion of our academy was held over 1 day at a little used part of either the Fostoria or Findlay airport runway (its been almost 21 years and I am losing some of the less important details).  The way it was structured was that there several obstacles and at each one the objective was demonstrated and each person would have time to practice before the test.  Each one was pass/fail meaning that if you failed the test on one of the obstacles you had 2 more tries to pass the test.  If you failed any one part of the course 3 times then you were done since passing driving was part of the graduation requirement - if you failed driving you were not permitted to continue the academy, it ended for you there.  If you still wanted to be in Law Enforcement you would have to apply to another academy and at the very least finish your training with them.  I had trouble with several of the obstacles during the practice but with practice I was able to get them down.  When the time for the test came the only one I had trouble with was the "Star" maneuver, one that I had been able to do during practice without any trouble.  The Star is a circle of traffic cones that is slightly larger than your cruiser (Crown Victoria or Chevy Caprice) and you pulled into the circle and through the other side up to about the back tires and then put the car in reverse and backed up and through a different set of cones than you entered.  The continued until you had completed the circle without hitting any cones or leaving the circle and this was a timed test as well (I believe anyway, that part is a little fuzzy).  During practice this was easy for me, it was a breeze, but during the test I failed the first 2 attempts.  After the 2nd attempt the instructors pulled me out sent me back to the end of the line.  It's funny, one minute we are one big class of Peace Officer hopefuls and the next you are on the verge of getting thrown out and you on your own.  I was told when I landed my job at the Sheriff's Office that you are not really in trouble as long as people are making fun of your screw-up, it's when no one is making fun of your mistake, when no one is laughing that you are in real trouble.  This is an example of the latter.  After I was sidelined to get myself together I was very much alone everyone knew that I had botched the first 2 attempts and if I failed the next try I was out.  Everyone seemed to keep their distance and no one said anything to me, I was sinking and they seemed resigned to that fact everyone except for Karl.  He did not say much and what he said exactly I cannot remember, but I do remember that on that day when I needed someone to pick me up and put me back on my feet God sent me Karl and what he said gave me hope and reassurance when I needed it the most.  When it came time for me to take the test one more time I passed it without any problem.  When the rest of the class were pulling away from the guy that seemed headed for failure, Karl was there for me and without those few words of hope I know I would not have been able to pass the star on my third try. 

Self-Defense

Another pass/fail part of the academy was self-defense.  Part of the graduation requirement was to demonstrate a weapon retention technique.  We were taught several of these and we were allowed to choose which one to perform for the test.  We did this in 2 man teams one person playing the part of the aggressor and one as the cop.  Karl and I were teamed up as usual and we picked the same technique and we practiced and practiced and practiced some more.  Karl got it down much sooner than I did but he kept on practicing with me so that I could be sure that I had it, never once complaining about how much longer it took me.  When the time came for us to demonstrate the weapon retention technique we both passed without a problem. 

A little more than 4 years later I am in the latter part of my 4th year as a Deputy Sheriff.  We had just cleared a call in a problem apartment complex when I was attacked by someone who was intent on taking my gun.  In the nearly 4 years since joining the SO I had attended yearly self-defense training that included weapon retention techniques but not the one that Karl and I had practiced back in the academy.  When I was attacked that night that only technique that came to mind was the one that Karl and I practiced all those years ago.  Using that technique I was able to break his lock on my gun and subdue my attacker without using deadly force.  (There is a longer description of this incident in Divine Appt & Divine Intervention entry).


Mike Corwin- Lieutenant, later Chief now Pastor Mike,

I got my start in Law Enforcement thanks to my wife.  Shortly after we were married she asked me what I wanted to be when I was little.  I told her that growing up I always wanted to be either a fighter pilot or a cop.  To that she replied I can't make you a fighter pilot (plus your vision is too bad) but I can make you a cop.  My wife worked at the local ER as an RN and I would bring her lunch from time to time.  Not long after that convo (less than a week) she told me that she wanted me to meet someone when I brought lunch up to the hospital that night.  She was talking with one of her co-workers about married life and the subject of what I was going to do for a living came up.  I had dropped out of college due to a mysterious gastrointestinal illness that was never accurately diagnosed.  Deb told her that I wanted to be a cop and her co-worker (Mike's wife) told Deb that there was a police academy starting soon and that Mike was looking for someone to sponsor.  So that night they had Mike come by the ER when I was going to be there so that he could meet me and talk about going to the academy.  From there it was a matter of background checks, applications to both the Police Auxiliary and to the academy as well as psych testing.  I was accepted into the auxiliary as well as to the police academy (the cost of the academy as well as all the equipment and supplies were our responsibility).  During the academy we had a wide variety of instructors from many local and some state law enforcement agencies.  One of which was the Sheriff of Seneca County.  Somewhere around half-way through the program, we were on luch break or had just come back from lunch and had some time until our next class started.  Several of us were sitting around in something like a student lounge with cushy living room like furniture and I put my head back and closed my eyes.  Someone came up from behind and yelled "Wake up!" and a few other things that I don't remember, all I remember is that I was sure that the voice belonged to Scott, one of our classmates.  I was so sure that, without opening my eyes to check, I said "f*&^ you d*^$h!@#".  As I have said before, in law enforcement you are not really in trouble unless noone is laughing or making fun of you.  When they start to treat you like you are radioactive that's when you know you are in real trouble.  Before I opened my eyes I knew something was wrong because the everything seemed to stop, all the side conversations all the background noise just seemed to go away all at once.  When I opened my eyes I knew why, the person standing behind my chair was not Scott the fellow classmate that I thought it was in fact the Sheriff of Seneca County who was our instructor that day.  I cannot adequately describe how bad I felt, I appologised immediately he laughed and accepted and I naively thought it was over.  Later in the day the academy commander, Dr. Flickenger, approached me and made it clear that not only was it not over but if he had his way I would be booted from the program.  That was the longest drive from Tiffen to Bucyrus that I have ever made, knowing that I would have to somehow explain this to not just my wife but to Lt. Corwin.  After I went through this with Deb she just told me to call the Lieutenant.  When I called Lt. Corwin and explained what I did he laughed, not a great big belly laugh but he laughed.  He had my type up what happened and bring it down to the dept and that was the end of it as far as he was concerned (as long as I managed to not do anything that stupid again).  He could have ended my career right then and there, it would have been perfectly within his right and I've met many men in law enforcement who in his shoes would have dropped me in heartbeat and never thought twice about it.  Mike, you made an impact on my life that I can never fully explain and thank you just does not seem to be enough.  Just the same, Thank You and God bless you.

Lynn,
Lynn was a Special Deputy that rode with me for 9 1/2 years.  Specials are required to put in a minimum number of hours each month and for most of my career (short as it was) Lynn chose to ride with me.  He is by nature just an all around nice guy, if there is something that he can do for you he would and not expect anything in return.  I have met very few men like Lynn and I feel privileged to know him and that he considers me his friend.  After I left the SO to move to FL, to chase my wife's dream job, he sent me an email.  In while talking about something going on in his life he said that he wasn't sure how I put up with him all those years.  That really struck me as I never felt this way, Lynn was never a bother nor a burden in fact he was very helpful and I enjoyed having him along but I had also never told him this.  Lynn came out a few times a month and when he did he was my partner, that's just what I had become accustomed to and just assumed that's the way things would always be.  I enjoyed having Lynn along so much that I was glad, excited thrilled that my last 2 days on the SO he was able to ride with me.  Did I tell him any of this, no.  After his email, this was 10 years ago, I thought of so many ways to say these things but never had the nerve to do so.  I have resolved to change this.

Another thing that came to mind was an incident that we were involved in that I think he felt I did not value him or his ability to "back me up".  We were dispatched to an apt building on Cleveland Ave on a disturbance call.  Like many of these types of calls the caller provided very little information other than a disturbance in the 2nd floor hallway and wished to remain anonymous.  This section of Cleveland Ave consisted of several apt buildings on both sides of the road in a very low income area that has a history of violence and drug activity.  We arrived, blacked out in the back of the building, we entered the rear entrance and proceeded upstairs.  On the second floor in the hallway we came across a man, who claimed to be the caller and stated that the disturbance was down at the other end of the hallway.  As a side note, we had just been through 8 hours of training with the SO's training academy on pat down searches, disturbance calls and how to handle suspicious people.  One of the situations that I was presented with was a suspicious person claiming to be the victim.  So, I did the basic pat down, thought I did a reasonable job I mean he's the victim right?!  We'll I missed a gun, a rather large one at that, bang I'm dead.  Thank God this is training right?  I was embarrassed, to say the least.  In the training that followed I learned that in many disturbance calls the "bad guy" will claim to be the victim or even the person who called in the report.  The lessons learned during training were and the need for this type of training so late in my career were about to become apparent.  Little did I know that what I learned during our training day was to be put to the test one week later with the first call of the night, a disturbance.  So, when our "caller" pointed us down the hall I did a pat down search and this time I did it the way it is supposed to be done and found a small automatic on our bad guy.  Well, honestly I had never found a gun on someone before and it more than freaked me out so I called for backup and in the process may have given Lynn the idea that I did not think he was capable of having my back.  There are few things farther from the truth, but again I remained silent when I should have said something.  Another side note, this bad guy was someone that I had arrested a month or so previously for possession of crack cocaine, I believe I know what he had planned for us if we had just walked on by like he wanted us to do by telling us the problem was at the other end of the building.

I also asked Lynn if he remembered what he said to me the first night we met.  During roll call Lynn was assigned to ride with me (this would be the first time I had a Special ride with me) and I was not exactly thrilled.  We rarely had enough Deputies in the Patrol Division so the only time that we ever rode 2 to a cruiser was when there was a car shortage.  After roll-call, Lynn came up to me and offered to go home something along the lines of if you don't want a rider I'd be happy to go home and go to bed (I worked C company).   For a second or two, I actually thought about taking him up on his offer.  I didn't, and I'm glad that I made a decision that was outside my comfort zone.  This is one of those decisions that change your life, this one changed mine for the better.

Status: We had dinner recently with Lynn and his wife and I told him what I needed to say, he was very gracious as always.

No comments:

Post a Comment