Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Things that I have left unsaid for far too long

There are people in my life that I have wanted to say things to for a very long but just have not had the courage to come out and tell them.  No, they're not bad things, I think we all are far too willing to speak out when we feel wronged or mad about something.  And all too often we forget to say something, or just take for granted, when someone does something nice for us.

For Karl,

I met Karl almost 21 years ago on the first day of our Police Academy.  The classroom layout had 2 students to each table.  Since both of our names started with "A" we just happened to be at the same table and for the duration of the academy Karl became my partner whenever we needed to break-up into smaller groups or teams of 2.  I had always considered myself lucky or fortunate that things worked out that way, as I look back now I know that it was much more than that.  It was not "luck" that brought Karl into my life, it was not "luck" that caused us to get along so well.  Karl was a Divine Appointment and would change my life for the better (on more than one occasion) by just being himself.  Karl is one of those rare people who was a "natural" at police work, and I don't mean the classroom stuff I mean the real world application stuff he just seemed to "get it".  I just don't know any other way to put it. 

Driving
    
I did well in the Academy right up until driving.  The driving portion of our academy was held over 1 day at a little used part of either the Fostoria or Findlay airport runway (its been almost 21 years and I am losing some of the less important details).  The way it was structured was that there several obstacles and at each one the objective was demonstrated and each person would have time to practice before the test.  Each one was pass/fail meaning that if you failed the test on one of the obstacles you had 2 more tries to pass the test.  If you failed any one part of the course 3 times then you were done since passing driving was part of the graduation requirement - if you failed driving you were not permitted to continue the academy, it ended for you there.  If you still wanted to be in Law Enforcement you would have to apply to another academy and at the very least finish your training with them.  I had trouble with several of the obstacles during the practice but with practice I was able to get them down.  When the time for the test came the only one I had trouble with was the "Star" maneuver, one that I had been able to do during practice without any trouble.  The Star is a circle of traffic cones that is slightly larger than your cruiser (Crown Victoria or Chevy Caprice) and you pulled into the circle and through the other side up to about the back tires and then put the car in reverse and backed up and through a different set of cones than you entered.  The continued until you had completed the circle without hitting any cones or leaving the circle and this was a timed test as well (I believe anyway, that part is a little fuzzy).  During practice this was easy for me, it was a breeze, but during the test I failed the first 2 attempts.  After the 2nd attempt the instructors pulled me out sent me back to the end of the line.  It's funny, one minute we are one big class of Peace Officer hopefuls and the next you are on the verge of getting thrown out and you on your own.  I was told when I landed my job at the Sheriff's Office that you are not really in trouble as long as people are making fun of your screw-up, it's when no one is making fun of your mistake, when no one is laughing that you are in real trouble.  This is an example of the latter.  After I was sidelined to get myself together I was very much alone everyone knew that I had botched the first 2 attempts and if I failed the next try I was out.  Everyone seemed to keep their distance and no one said anything to me, I was sinking and they seemed resigned to that fact everyone except for Karl.  He did not say much and what he said exactly I cannot remember, but I do remember that on that day when I needed someone to pick me up and put me back on my feet God sent me Karl and what he said gave me hope and reassurance when I needed it the most.  When it came time for me to take the test one more time I passed it without any problem.  When the rest of the class were pulling away from the guy that seemed headed for failure, Karl was there for me and without those few words of hope I know I would not have been able to pass the star on my third try. 

Self-Defense

Another pass/fail part of the academy was self-defense.  Part of the graduation requirement was to demonstrate a weapon retention technique.  We were taught several of these and we were allowed to choose which one to perform for the test.  We did this in 2 man teams one person playing the part of the aggressor and one as the cop.  Karl and I were teamed up as usual and we picked the same technique and we practiced and practiced and practiced some more.  Karl got it down much sooner than I did but he kept on practicing with me so that I could be sure that I had it, never once complaining about how much longer it took me.  When the time came for us to demonstrate the weapon retention technique we both passed without a problem. 

A little more than 4 years later I am in the latter part of my 4th year as a Deputy Sheriff.  We had just cleared a call in a problem apartment complex when I was attacked by someone who was intent on taking my gun.  In the nearly 4 years since joining the SO I had attended yearly self-defense training that included weapon retention techniques but not the one that Karl and I had practiced back in the academy.  When I was attacked that night that only technique that came to mind was the one that Karl and I practiced all those years ago.  Using that technique I was able to break his lock on my gun and subdue my attacker without using deadly force.  (There is a longer description of this incident in Divine Appt & Divine Intervention entry).


Mike Corwin- Lieutenant, later Chief now Pastor Mike,

I got my start in Law Enforcement thanks to my wife.  Shortly after we were married she asked me what I wanted to be when I was little.  I told her that growing up I always wanted to be either a fighter pilot or a cop.  To that she replied I can't make you a fighter pilot (plus your vision is too bad) but I can make you a cop.  My wife worked at the local ER as an RN and I would bring her lunch from time to time.  Not long after that convo (less than a week) she told me that she wanted me to meet someone when I brought lunch up to the hospital that night.  She was talking with one of her co-workers about married life and the subject of what I was going to do for a living came up.  I had dropped out of college due to a mysterious gastrointestinal illness that was never accurately diagnosed.  Deb told her that I wanted to be a cop and her co-worker (Mike's wife) told Deb that there was a police academy starting soon and that Mike was looking for someone to sponsor.  So that night they had Mike come by the ER when I was going to be there so that he could meet me and talk about going to the academy.  From there it was a matter of background checks, applications to both the Police Auxiliary and to the academy as well as psych testing.  I was accepted into the auxiliary as well as to the police academy (the cost of the academy as well as all the equipment and supplies were our responsibility).  During the academy we had a wide variety of instructors from many local and some state law enforcement agencies.  One of which was the Sheriff of Seneca County.  Somewhere around half-way through the program, we were on luch break or had just come back from lunch and had some time until our next class started.  Several of us were sitting around in something like a student lounge with cushy living room like furniture and I put my head back and closed my eyes.  Someone came up from behind and yelled "Wake up!" and a few other things that I don't remember, all I remember is that I was sure that the voice belonged to Scott, one of our classmates.  I was so sure that, without opening my eyes to check, I said "f*&^ you d*^$h!@#".  As I have said before, in law enforcement you are not really in trouble unless noone is laughing or making fun of you.  When they start to treat you like you are radioactive that's when you know you are in real trouble.  Before I opened my eyes I knew something was wrong because the everything seemed to stop, all the side conversations all the background noise just seemed to go away all at once.  When I opened my eyes I knew why, the person standing behind my chair was not Scott the fellow classmate that I thought it was in fact the Sheriff of Seneca County who was our instructor that day.  I cannot adequately describe how bad I felt, I appologised immediately he laughed and accepted and I naively thought it was over.  Later in the day the academy commander, Dr. Flickenger, approached me and made it clear that not only was it not over but if he had his way I would be booted from the program.  That was the longest drive from Tiffen to Bucyrus that I have ever made, knowing that I would have to somehow explain this to not just my wife but to Lt. Corwin.  After I went through this with Deb she just told me to call the Lieutenant.  When I called Lt. Corwin and explained what I did he laughed, not a great big belly laugh but he laughed.  He had my type up what happened and bring it down to the dept and that was the end of it as far as he was concerned (as long as I managed to not do anything that stupid again).  He could have ended my career right then and there, it would have been perfectly within his right and I've met many men in law enforcement who in his shoes would have dropped me in heartbeat and never thought twice about it.  Mike, you made an impact on my life that I can never fully explain and thank you just does not seem to be enough.  Just the same, Thank You and God bless you.

Lynn,
Lynn was a Special Deputy that rode with me for 9 1/2 years.  Specials are required to put in a minimum number of hours each month and for most of my career (short as it was) Lynn chose to ride with me.  He is by nature just an all around nice guy, if there is something that he can do for you he would and not expect anything in return.  I have met very few men like Lynn and I feel privileged to know him and that he considers me his friend.  After I left the SO to move to FL, to chase my wife's dream job, he sent me an email.  In while talking about something going on in his life he said that he wasn't sure how I put up with him all those years.  That really struck me as I never felt this way, Lynn was never a bother nor a burden in fact he was very helpful and I enjoyed having him along but I had also never told him this.  Lynn came out a few times a month and when he did he was my partner, that's just what I had become accustomed to and just assumed that's the way things would always be.  I enjoyed having Lynn along so much that I was glad, excited thrilled that my last 2 days on the SO he was able to ride with me.  Did I tell him any of this, no.  After his email, this was 10 years ago, I thought of so many ways to say these things but never had the nerve to do so.  I have resolved to change this.

Another thing that came to mind was an incident that we were involved in that I think he felt I did not value him or his ability to "back me up".  We were dispatched to an apt building on Cleveland Ave on a disturbance call.  Like many of these types of calls the caller provided very little information other than a disturbance in the 2nd floor hallway and wished to remain anonymous.  This section of Cleveland Ave consisted of several apt buildings on both sides of the road in a very low income area that has a history of violence and drug activity.  We arrived, blacked out in the back of the building, we entered the rear entrance and proceeded upstairs.  On the second floor in the hallway we came across a man, who claimed to be the caller and stated that the disturbance was down at the other end of the hallway.  As a side note, we had just been through 8 hours of training with the SO's training academy on pat down searches, disturbance calls and how to handle suspicious people.  One of the situations that I was presented with was a suspicious person claiming to be the victim.  So, I did the basic pat down, thought I did a reasonable job I mean he's the victim right?!  We'll I missed a gun, a rather large one at that, bang I'm dead.  Thank God this is training right?  I was embarrassed, to say the least.  In the training that followed I learned that in many disturbance calls the "bad guy" will claim to be the victim or even the person who called in the report.  The lessons learned during training were and the need for this type of training so late in my career were about to become apparent.  Little did I know that what I learned during our training day was to be put to the test one week later with the first call of the night, a disturbance.  So, when our "caller" pointed us down the hall I did a pat down search and this time I did it the way it is supposed to be done and found a small automatic on our bad guy.  Well, honestly I had never found a gun on someone before and it more than freaked me out so I called for backup and in the process may have given Lynn the idea that I did not think he was capable of having my back.  There are few things farther from the truth, but again I remained silent when I should have said something.  Another side note, this bad guy was someone that I had arrested a month or so previously for possession of crack cocaine, I believe I know what he had planned for us if we had just walked on by like he wanted us to do by telling us the problem was at the other end of the building.

I also asked Lynn if he remembered what he said to me the first night we met.  During roll call Lynn was assigned to ride with me (this would be the first time I had a Special ride with me) and I was not exactly thrilled.  We rarely had enough Deputies in the Patrol Division so the only time that we ever rode 2 to a cruiser was when there was a car shortage.  After roll-call, Lynn came up to me and offered to go home something along the lines of if you don't want a rider I'd be happy to go home and go to bed (I worked C company).   For a second or two, I actually thought about taking him up on his offer.  I didn't, and I'm glad that I made a decision that was outside my comfort zone.  This is one of those decisions that change your life, this one changed mine for the better.

Status: We had dinner recently with Lynn and his wife and I told him what I needed to say, he was very gracious as always.

Signs

At the suggestion of Pastor Mark this is my attempt to keep a journal of all the things that have been happening in my life lately.  These are things that I can only attribute to being signs- evidence of God's hand at work in my life.

I have not been good at documenting these and will have to start with today and work my way backward.

I am still having trouble with feelings of guilt and today has been especially bad.  Last week I signed up for daily emails from Joel Osteen Ministries as we have been reading many of his books and have watched/listened to several of his services and it has helped me greatly in dealing with how I feel about myself and in maintaining my faith.  For the uninitiated, the emails start with a bible verse and then have a message from Joel and Victoria that expand on what is in the verse.  Today the verse was Psalm 23:4 NKJV "Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You are with me..."  And in the message that followed he talks about how easy it is to get discouraged when you are going through something difficult and how it may feel like you are walking through the valley of the shadow of death.  He then says something that really made sense and that I had never considered; that the verse says that you are only walking through - you don't have to stop and stay in these difficult times and that this means that they are only temporary.  And the most important part of this is that God is with you, his is walking with us through the difficult times we are not walking through this alone.  For I had always thought of this as a funeral verse and I had trouble finding comfort in it.  But looking at the way Joel described it made me look at it in a different way entirely and I think in the way it was ment to be read.  This was a welcome read with the burden of what we were going through and in the state of mind I found myself when I sought it out.  Several hours later I was catching up on some of the planned reading, in my Bible app, that I was behind in and the reading that came up was Psalm 23:1-6.  That I would receive the same message twice in one day, from two separate resources, is nothing less than remarkable and that I would receive it today when I needed to hear or see it the most is nothing short of a message from God- I am with you, everything is going to ok.  In one of his messages that we listened to Joel said the God does not send the storm, but he is in control of it and if we stay in faith he will take what was ment for our harm and use it for our good.  I can say today that I know this to be the truth, I have seen it come to pass in our lives.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Prayers and statements of Faith

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you for the blessings you bestow on me.  Every breath I take is a gift from you. Father I know that I've made mistakes and that i have to make amends for those things.  I don't know how I can do that ... in fact I am pretty sure that I can't ... but I know without a doubt that YOU have a plan and that YOU make all things work together for my good.  I know that I don't have to worry because you said in Matthew 6:26 that you will provide for me.  I don't see how I will ever pay all the bills and make ends meet financially, but I am not going to worry because your promise in Deuteronomy 15:6 that you will make me a lender and not a borrower.  I know that your son Jesus Christ paid the ultimate price to wash away my sins.  So, I am declaring victory over the enemy ... I am refusing to let that demon keep me worried ... instead I am standing on YOUR promises and your holy word, you said that we have have not because we ask not, so I'm asking - God take this setback and make it a setup for a miraculous overflowing on the other side!  I know you can ... I believe you will ... I am trusting that it is already done.  And because your guarantee is that if two or more here on earth agree it then you will do it, I am having Chris join me.  Together we are a force the demons must fear and one you guarantee you will hear!  In Jesus name - thank  you Lord, thank you father, thank you.   Amen

The favor of God surronds me like a shield, everything I touch prospers and succeeds.

The blessings of God are chasing me down and overtaking me.

I am on my way to Heaven.

God goes before me to make my path straight and easy.

I call forth the angels and send them out to intercede and intervene ... because I am in covenant with God through Jesus Christ I can do that!

God makes all things work together for my good.

I am in the palm of God's hand.

This hasn't come to stay, it has come to pass.

I know who I am, I know whose I am.

God today, I ask for an understanding mind and a heart that I may discern between what is your way and what is not.  And that I'll have the wisdom to lead myself, my family and the people in my path well, for your glory.  In Jesus name, Amen.

I declare it by speaking-
The favor of God surrounds us like a shield ... everything we touch prospers & succeeds.  The blessings of God are chasing us down & overtaking us.  He makes all things work together for our good.
In Jesus name, Amen.

My Father in Heaven, may your name be honored, may your Kingdom come, and your will be done in my life as well as in my families lives, as it is in Heaven.  Give us this day all we need, and forgive us of our sins, just as we forgive those who have sinned against us.  And don't let us yield to temptation, but deliver us from evil, for yours is the Kingdom and the power and the glory forever, Amen.

I know who I am, I know whose I am.  -Joel Osteen

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

God answers prayers

A week ago today I picked up my wife from work to go to a meeting at our accountant's office.  When she got in the car she told me that she had been having some abdominal pain and bleeding just an FYI kind of thing.  About 15 minutes later she excused herself from the meeting to use the bathroom and upon her return told us that she had to leave, she was now in a great deal of pain and went to sit in the car and wait for me.  About 5 minutes later as I was wrapping up she called me on my cell to tell me that she needed to go to the Emergency Room and she felt like she was going to pass out.  When I got into the car she told me that the pain was now intolerable and that she was bleeding more heavily and every turn, every bump on the way to the hospital was agonizing.  We pulled into the ER about 10 minutes later and by this time she was in so much pain that she could not sit up straight or stand up to walk so I helped her into a wheelchair and took her in.  After talking to the triage nurse the staff wheeled her back into the emergency department.  Once we were able to get her changed into the gown admitting came in, then the nurse to take vital signs ask what symptoms she was having the pain by now was off the chart, far beyond the worst pain she had ever experienced along with a tearing sensation.  She was in so much pain that she was doubled over and unable to even sit up and required constant pressure on her lower right abdomen.  I'm not afraid to admit that by this time I was pretty scared, I had never seen my wife in this much pain and my mind was quickly going for the worst case scenario.  So when the nurse left the room (no treatment, "the doctor will be in shortly"), I took her hand and told her that we were going to pray.  I asked God to heal my wife, to make the treatment non-invasive (I was worried about needing surgery) that he give her a complete recovery and that it would be done today.  After we prayed I showed her a Bible Verse that I had come across that morning which is Matthew 18:19-20:
19 "I also tell you this: If two of you agree here on earth concerning anything you ask, my Father in heaven will do it for you.  20 For where two or three gather as my followers, I am there among them."  I have a Bible app on my phone that has what it calls "Plans" these are Bible Verses grouped together by subject and meant to be read over a certain period of time.  This particular verse is part of the plan "The Essential Jesus but this was not the reading for that day.  I had fallen behind and was going back to the earliest missed day and this was the Verse.  When I read it that morning it was interesting I liked and appreciated what it said, but now it took on additional meaning, it had immediate application in my life and the life of the woman that I cannot bear to think about living life without.  She is the reason I get out of bed in the morning, why I try to be a better man.  About 15 minutes after praying she sat a little straighter and started talking about leaving.  I though she was just impatient (she can be) and I told that she could not even sit up straight and left it at that.  Another 15 minutes go by and she put the folded up bed sheet down that she had been using to apply pressure and sat up a little more normally and again started with the crazy talk of going home "The doctor has 15 minutes to come in here and after that I'm leaving."  I told that she could not even dress herself so I was pretty sure that was not going to happen.  Less than 15 minutes later she sat straight up and told me to give her clothes to her, we were going home.  She dressed herself then got up off of the hospital bed and said we were leaving.  She not only walked out of the Emergency Department but out of the hospital and walked with me the block to where I had been forced to park after taking her into the ER. 


I have never seen anything like this; she was healed before my eyes!  It is the most amazing thing that I have ever seen.  On the way home I told her of my amazement God had answered our prayer and healed her (no treatment of any kind had been given at the hospital, not even pain meds).  She told me that God had better things for her to do than lay in a hospital bed.  When we arrived at home she felt completely recovered no pain and the bleeding stopped completely shortly after arriving home.  It's been a week now and still no pain, no relapse tonight she told she feels better than she had in a long time.


When I looked back there was one noticeable difference, this time when I prayed I prayed out loud (this does make a difference) and I had no doubt that my prayer would be answered.  In fact he answered 2 with this one healing, recently I had been asking for help with my level of faith.  God healed my wife and my faith at the same time.


5 I prayed to the Lord and he answered me.  He freed me from all my fears.  5 Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces.  6 In my desperation I prayed, and the Lord listened; he saved me from all my troubles. -Psalm 34:5-6


15 "Then call on me when you are in trouble, and I will rescue you, and you will give me glory."-Psalm 50:15


13 For I hold you by your right hand-I, the Lord your God.  And I say to you, 'Don't be afraid.  I am here to help you.  -Isaiah 41:13


10 A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.  -Ephesians 6:10


They are more than just words in a book.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Theories on Life

My theory on life was simple and brilliant all at the same time.  After High School I joined the Army National Guard to pay for college.  Included in this adventure was an all expense paid trip to sunny Alabama for 17 weeks of basic and advanced training.  While there I learned many things including how to iron my BDUs, blouse my boots and how to shine my shoes to near mirror finish.  At the end of training, while me squad mates where going off to active duty units I came back home an awaited drill weekend to report to my unit.  My first drill weekend was a real eye opener, I was what you would call hard-core, my uniform was pressed and starched to a near cardboard-like state, and you could just about see your reflection in my boots.  I was sure I could take on the Warsaw Pact single handed, that would soon change however.  Apathy is the best word I can think of to describe the prevailing mood of the Guard unit that I had been assigned to, no one seemed to care about anything other than when the next formation was (payment was based on the number of formations that you attended don't show up to formation you were AWOL).  A typical drill day consisted of PT exercises (depending on the CO), morning formation and then busy-work until lunch.  Usually after morning formation we were sent out to the motor-pool to do preventative maintenance (read check the oil) and report any problems with our assigned vehicles and don't come back till lunch formation.  Now I don't know about you but, I has never taken me 4 hours to check the oil and fluids in any vehicle that I have had, so much for defending the country.

This is where I developed my flawed theory on life.  Preparation for drill weekend was a time consuming process, shining my boots alone (back then they were black leather) could take 2 hours and ironing and starching your BDUs another hour.  It occurred to me one day that no one in charge of our unit really cared how good you looked as long as it was above a minimum standard.  My epiphany was that as long as my uniform was pressed a little better, my boots were shined a little more, my hair was a little shorter than the next guy no one gave a damn that it was not up to Army regs they seemed to take that attitude that good enough was just that.  There were no points or incentive to do these things the right way good enough was good enough we're just weekend warriors after all.  I thought that I was so smart, no longer did I have to spend 2 hours shining my boots before and another hour on Saturday night, no longer did I have to use so much starch or pay to have my BDUs laundered I could just do them good enough.

 Little did I know that this "philosophy" would end up permeating my entire life.  I was never the worst soldier in the company, but thanks to my "brilliance"  was never the best either.  As I got older and "grew up" for lack of a better way of putting it this philosophy became part of me, how I looked at and approached life.  I was never the worst Sheriff's Deputy, but I was never the best, and I was never the worst husband and father but neither was I ever the best.  I spent 20+ years of my life being neither the best nor the worst, do know what that makes you?  Mediocre which means average or accecptable but not very good.  I don't know about anyone else but I did not sit around as a kid and think "Hey when I grow up I want to be average or acceptable, but not very good".

When we stop doing what we know is right and start doing what is easy, that is when we fall.  It happens little by little so slowly that we don't notice or recognize it and if we do we pat ourselves on the back and congradulate ourselves for our genius.  It's not too late however to be the man you were meant to be.  Stop looking back at yesterday, it is gone and it's never coming back look toward tomorrow toward the man you were meant to be and decide to become him every day for the rest of your life. 

This is your life, are you who you want to be?  If the answer is no, it's not too late to make a change.